Before LIV Golf and its obscene amounts of oil money made lots of ordinary golfers into nihilistic heels, Patrick Reed stood alone as the most disliked man on the PGA Tour. Dating back to his college days at Georgia, before he was dismissed from the golf team and went to Augusta State, he was suspected by his teammates of being a cheater and a thief. As a pro, the cheating reputation became even more pronounced, especially after an incident where he was penalized for moving sand to improve his lie in 2019, as well as a controversial drop he took at a tournament he won last year.
Reed, who peaked in 2018 with a Masters win and a top-five U.S. Open finish, ditched the PGA Tour for LIV in June. But, evidently unsatisfied with the Saudi mountain of cash, Reed has now hit back at one of his critics by hiring a clown of a lawyer for an absurd $750 million lawsuit, filed in the U.S. District Court for the Southern District of Texas on Tuesday.
The suit, which can be read in all its glory here, alleges defamation by Golf Channel and one of its commentators, Brandel Chamblee. Chamblee has expressed strong negative feelings against LIV Golf, Mohammed bin Salman, and those who align themselves with this sportswashing venture, and he's also singled out Reed in the past for his rules controversies. His comments are very clearly all opinions, or reporting on what other people say, and cannot be considered defamation by any serious person. They have, however, led to this very fun rebuttal from Reed, which is pretty indicative of the corner that so many LIV golfers have backed themselves into.
"Mr. Reed has never accepted 'blood money,' and in no way supports terrorism and/or human rights violations, or murder," the lawsuit says.
If the suit's consistent confusing of "it's" and "its" wasn't enough to ridicule it, Reed's choice of lawyer certainly does the job. Larry Klayman, a long-disgraced litigator who doesn't get out of bed in the morning without filing a civil suit, was perhaps the only man antsy and shameless enough to take on such a pointless and frivolous task. Klayman's already attempted a class-action suit against the PGA Tour for its suspension of LIV golfers, but his more despicable greatest hits include an unending obsession with the lie that Barack Obama is a secret Muslim born outside the U.S., a claim that Black Lives Matter is responsible for "igniting a race war," and other unsuccessful defamation lawsuits filed on behalf of such characters as George Zimmerman, Roy Moore, and Joe Arpaio. If Reed is concerned by the perception that he's an unscrupulous jerk who will keep company with anyone who'll help him make a buck, he certainly isn't clearing his name by aligning himself with Klayman.
Hopefully this suit will be quickly dismissed, but what will stick with me much longer than its arrogance is page seven, which includes a massive list of heckles that people have allegedly shouted at Reed while he's golfed. As the lawsuit so eloquently notes, "These personal attacks occur frequently while Mr. Reed is actively preparing to make his golf shot, or during the golf shot, much less thereafter as he is walking to his next golf shot, as well as lining up and making putts on the green, which putts require a high degree of concentration." Here they are in order:
- “Now on the tee the excavator!”
- “You suck!”
- “You fucking suck!”
- “You jackass!”
- “You coward!”
- “Shovel!”
- "Why don’t you dig a grave and bury yourself in it!”
- “You piece of shit!”
- “No one likes you!”
- "Everyone hates you Reed!”
- “Good luck digging yourself out of this one!”
- “Where are your parents coward?!”
- “You cheater!”
- “Cheat!”
- “Everyone hates you cheater!”
- “You're going to miss this you cheater!”
- “You cheat in college and on tour and you're a piece of shit!”
- “Beat the cheater’s ass!”
- “Sorry Webb for having to play with the cheat! Who did you piss off?!”
- “Why don’t you introduce your children to their grandparents you ungrateful bitch?!”
Now that we know Reed is trigger-happy with defamation lawsuits, it might be wise to take some care when interacting with him. So when Patrick Reed is actively preparing to make his golf shot, or during the golf shot, much less thereafter as he is walking to his next golf shot, as well as lining up and making putts on the green, which putts require a high degree of concentration, please do not yell at him, “Why don’t you introduce your children to their grandparents you ungrateful bitch?!”
