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Albert Burneko

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This Is So Stupid

I Would Not Take My Post-Assassination Meal At An Altoona McDonald’s, But I Guess I’m Built Different

December 9, 2024

Can Someone Please Write Normally About This Fascinating Woman?

November 20, 2024

The Defector Crewneck Sweatshirt Is Back In Stock

Bad news: It's getting colder. Good news: The best way to cover your forearms has returned. The critically acclaimed Defector crewneck sweatshirt has been restocked in all sizes. Now's the time to get one of our most popular items, printed with union labor in the USA.

Media Meltdowns

What The Fuck Is A “Vaccine Skeptic”?

November 15, 2024

Bring Back Weird Halloween Candies

November 1, 2024

English Premier League

More Like Erik Done Hag

October 28, 2024

Victor Wembanyama’s Hands Missed Opening Night

October 25, 2024

A Preview Of The 2024-25 NBA Season, Accurately Enumerating Everything That Will Happen In It

Albert Burneko, Chris Thompson, Giri Nathan, Luis Paez-Pumar, Patrick Redford, Ray Ratto, and Tom Ley

October 23, 2024

Point/Counterpoint: Friday Night Playoff Games

Barry Petchesky and Albert Burneko

October 18, 2024

When The Toilet Rings, You Must Answer The Call

September 24, 2024

Neither Elon Musk Nor Anybody Else Will Ever Colonize Mars

September 11, 2024

Boeing Starliner Astronauts Electively Spending Five More Months In Space To Hitch Ride In Different Vehicle Due To Preference For Not Dying

August 26, 2024

Deadbeat Club At War With Its Own Players, Again

August 19, 2024

Defector At The Movies

‘Alien: Romulus’ Is Exhausting, Gross As Hell, And Incredibly Fun

August 17, 2024

And Now, A Timely And Exhaustive Preview Of The 2024-25 Premier League Season

Luis Paez-Pumar, Albert Burneko, Billy Haisley, Maitreyi Anantharaman, Patrick Redford, Ray Ratto, and Tom Ley

August 16, 2024

This Is So Stupid

Do Not Say The Boeing Starliner Astronauts Are Stranded In Space, Which They Cannot Presently Return From Due To Problems With Their Spacecraft

August 1, 2024

Barcelona’s Pursuit Of Nico Williams Is Yet Another Degrading Farce

July 29, 2024

Why Did The New York Times Delete A Notorious Fraudster’s Election Take?

July 26, 2024

No, Canada!

July 24, 2024

The Great Outdoors

Another Garden Check!

July 12, 2024

This Is So Stupid

There Are Three Essential Lawyer Movies

July 10, 2024

This Is So Stupid

I Would Like To Put Lunchmeat On The Cybertruck

June 26, 2024

Arts And Culture

Appalling Errors In Vulture’s Ranked List Of Muppets Movies, Ranked

June 23, 2024

Behold The Defector NBA Finals Mega-Preview

Patrick Redford, Giri Nathan, Tom Ley, Albert Burneko, Chris Thompson, Luis Paez-Pumar, and Ray Ratto

June 6, 2024

The Great Outdoors

Garden Check!

June 3, 2024

Xavi, Who Quit And Then Un-Quit And Then Was Maybe Gonna Get Fired, Is Now Fired

May 24, 2024