In news totally unrelated to this blog, Rory McIlroy filed divorce papers this week to separate from Erica Stoll, his wife of seven years, according to TMZ. I don't even know why I'm mentioning it, because it has nothing to do with this blog. I think I said that already.
Totally independently of that news breaking—though, curiously, immediately following it—the Defector staff began to workshop some advice for golfers to maintain happy marriages. Not any specific golfer, mind you—that could be presumptive and borderline defamatory. Below we share some of this wisdom with you, and any Major winners who happen to be reading:
Spend less time sizzling drives and more time listening to wives!
Spend less time chipping and more time chipping in around the house!
Spend less time pitching and more time pitching in on some household chores!
Spend less time putting and more time putting your relationship first!
Spend less time with your caddie and more time being a daddy!
Spend less time wearing a visor and more time being an advisor to underprivileged youths!
Spend less time trying to make birdie and more time getting the kids to bed by 8:30!
Spend less time chasing par and more time fixing the car!
Spend less time wearing cleats and more time folding sheets!
Spend less time practicing the three-iron and more time ironing the clothes for once!
Spend less time worrying about your swing path and more time worrying about swinging past the grocery store to get some stuff you need for dinner!
Spend less time reading the green and more time reading your kids a damn bedtime story!
Spend less time worrying about winning the U.S. Open and more time worrying about about opening some room on your schedule for US.
Spend less time on the PGA and more time on the PTA!
Spend less time picking up tees and more time picking up the toilet seat before you pee!
We hope this advice serves you well. Whoever you are.
