I Am Aging Rapidly While Watching Pan Zhanle Swim

It's finally happened. At 20 years, two months, and 12 days into my existence, sports have managed to make me feel old.

The perpetrator of this blow to my youth is Chinese swimmer Pan Zhanle, whose closing 45.92 freestyle split in the men's 4x100 medley relay on Sunday was the fastest in swimming history. Simultaneously, Pan was celebrating his 20th birthday. Humbling, because all I did on my 20th birthday was watch the Dallas Stars win a playoff game on my computer.

Pan initially shocked the crowd at Nanterre with his gold medal-winning performance in the men's 100-meter freestyle, setting a new world record in the event—and destroying his own world record, which he set back in February! He did all of that as a teenager, and it makes me feel decrepit. I'm sure you've all experienced the feeling.

Despite their eventual victory, China didn't go into Sunday's relay as the favorite. For decades, the U.S. had claimed gold in the men's 4x100 medley relay at each Summer Olympics. As NBC proudly trumpeted right before the race, America had been undefeated for 11 straight Olympic appearances. But at the end of each leg in the relay, the U.S. did not lead. Instead, it was China or France that struck the wall first, the lead fluctuating until the very end.

When Pan entered the pool for the final 100-meter stretch, his team was in third. At the 50-meter mark, the French were still ahead. But right when it mattered most, he surged forward to take an unambiguous lead, ending an American legacy in crushing fashion.

Pan's individual 100-meter freestyle title and the relay win haven't come without controversy, however. While Pan hasn't been one of the athletes named in the doping allegations made against Chinese swimmers, other athletes and coaches are reluctant to believe that China's results are clean.

"I’m upset right now because you don’t win 100 freestyle by a body length on that field. You just don’t do it," former Australian Olympic coach Brett Hawke wrote in a post on Instagram. "It is not humanly possible to beat that field by a body length."

Pan was reportedly tested 21 times in the three months leading up to the Olympics, and one would assume they also tested him repeatedly in Paris. I'm not here to dispute those results—there are already enough thinkpieces out there contesting China's swimming, some of them with an undertone of Sinophobia. Instead, I want to bring us back to me, and how I feel. Part of me thinks that I should have come to this moment a little earlier, like when I watched the women's street skateboarding finals and realized that everyone on the podium was a minor. (Brazil's Rayssa Leal was the oldest at 16 years old.) But after a week of vaguely keeping up with the swimming drama, I somehow got the idea into my head that Pan was older. Surely this dude who's making jabs at 26-year-old Kyle Chalmers is around the same age, right?

No! He's the same age as me—technically younger! We are fellow East Asians who've each been given equal amounts of time to find success in the world, but for some reason, the universe gave him the "tall, swims fast" set of genes and I'm stuck with the "nocturnal blogger" starter pack.

But at least no one can try to rain on my parade by accusing me of a doping scandal. I'm all natural, save for the medical steroids I took in sixth grade when I had an extremely bad allergic reaction to Mackinac Island fudge. The only performance-enhancing drug I can take is a nice, cold Celsius, preferably in the sparkling lemon lime flavor.