Just Try To Leave Josh Pastner A Voicemail Without Him Coaching The Heck Out Of You

Georgia Tech men's basketball coach Josh Pastner has unknowingly invented an advanced tactic to prevent anyone from leaving him a pesky voicemail. During last night's ACC championship game, which his team went on to win, ESPN aired Pastner’s 55-second-long voicemail message, an inspirational, cliche-loaded spiel that proves there is a certain type of coach that really just can’t help themselves. Any platform, including the mostly obsolete voicemail, is a chance to get the best out of their guys! Carpe Diem! 

Pastner goes on for six carefully enunciated sentences before he arrives at the only necessary information: Leave a message and I’ll call you back. 

By my count, that’s at least five different cliches packed into a minute. How many unsuspecting delivery people have had to sit through that endless stream of coachspeak just to let Pastner know they are at the front door with his takeout?

Pastner’s voicemail defense is certainly an unintended strategy, because this Ted Lasso-like earnest joy is his default personality. He is definitely the type of guy to call you back and leave a five-minute long voicemail just checking in. In his postgame interview, he thanked what felt like every member of the ESPN broadcast crew all while waving wildly at the camera. “Thumbs up!” he yelled. 

And yet, ESPN announcer Jay Bilas raised an interesting question after Pastner's entire voicemail message was played on air: "If life is so short, why is your message so long?" Surely Pastner has an answer for this question at the ready, and it likely involves the phrase "attack the day."