Mike White!

Imagine me reducing your front door to splinters with a SWAT battering ram and dive-rolling into your home to deliver this news: Mike White just kicked the ass of the Cincinnati Bengals on live television.

As the nation's No. 1 source for Mike White news and information, we here at Defector tuned into the 26-year-old quarterback's first career start with great interest. But I would be lying if I told you that, even with our vast knowledge of Mike White's life and career, we were expecting him to prevail over a Bengals team that has looked better and better with each passing week. The Jets are puke, after all, and even an untested quarterback who was once said to have a "first-round pick style of NFL arm" is still an untested quarterback. Of course, we were fools to have ever doubted Mike White, who led the Jets to a 34-31 victory while throwing for 405 yards, three touchdowns, and two interceptions. He became the first Jets quarterback to throw for over 400 yards in a game since 2000, when Vinny Testaverde did it.

White started the game hot and cold, leading the offense to a touchdown on their first drive of the game, but then throwing interceptions on the following two drives. The Bengals led 17-7 in the second quarter, but Mike White would not be deterred, either by his opponents or the damn officials who took a highlight-reel touchdown pass away from him at the end of the first half. Mike White, of course, just threw another touchdown pass a few plays later to bring the Jets within three points at halftime.

Mike White and the Jets could only scratch out a field goal in the third quarter, but the fourth quarter was Mike White Time. Down 31-20 with under eight minutes to play, Mike White led the Jets on an eight-play, 75 yard touchdown drive. After Shaq Lawson deflected a Joe Burrow pass and then snatched it out of the sky, Mike White got back to work. He threw a dart to a wide-open Tyler Kroft to put the Jets ahead 32-31, and then went ahead and made the play of the damn game:

The Jets are Mike White's team now. New York City is now Mike White City. The Jets should trade Zach Wilson for as many draft picks as they get, because the mission now is to build around Mike White. Joe Flacco can go to hell!