Old Man Jamie Vardy Is Back Scoring Goals And Chatting Shit

The highest levels of modern soccer conversation center around increasingly complex tactics, positing that the most interesting and important aspects of the game are, essentially, organizational. That stuff is cool, but you know what's cooler? Punting it in to your lads and letting them kick the shit out of the ball. By which I mean: It's such a treat to have Jamie Vardy back in the Premier League.

Leicester City earned promotion last year by winning the Championship by one point, though that pedigree is less relevant to their chances of staying up in the Premier League than what that winning season cost them. Manager Enzo Maresca and do-it-all midfielder Kiernan Dewsbury-Hall impressed enough with the Foxes to inspire Chelsea to yoink them both. They reinforced the squad by bringing over Tottenham midfielder OIiver Skipp and purchasing Sporting loanee Abdul Fatawu, in hopes that they can tread water and keep that EPL money flowing long enough to stabilize themselves above the perma-relegation fray. Their campaign got off to a fantastic start on Monday, as they drew Tottenham 1-1. Neither of their splashy transfers scored, however, as it was left to a guy who is almost as old as both of them combined.

In the 57th minute, 37-year-old Jamie Vardy stood on the border of the six-yard box, put his hand up, and nodded in the equalizer off the cross from Fatawu. It was a hilariously simple goal, and Vardy took zero fast steps through the 10-second attacking sequence. So much of goalscoring is being at the right place at the right time, and if your opponent is not going to mark you right in front of goal, that is the right place.

Vardy was not supposed to start or even play on Monday, as he'd been nursing an injury throughout the preseason. But after starting striker Patson Daka hurt his ankle in Leicester's final preseason game, Vardy felt good enough to give it a go. "He has trained for the best part of two weeks and then got injured, trained just once and then played," said manager Steve Cooper. "He’s not normal in terms of what he can still produce at his age and the athlete he still is."

Vardy did most of his best work during and after half time, pounding an energy drink in the tunnel before coming back on, scoring, and then taunting Spurs fans when he was substituted off in the 79th. As he was leaving the pitch, Vardy pointed to the Premier League logo, held up a one, then gestured to the away end and held up a zero, reminding Spurs fans how many titles they'd won. If you won the coolest EPL title of any of our lifetimes and just scored on your eighth opening match, you can stunt like that all you want.