This afternoon in Slack, our work chatroom, Patrick shared a cute little viral video, as we do from time to time. None of us were prepared for what happened next.
What follows is a (very lightly edited) direct transcript of the next 20 minutes. Display names are as they appear in Slack.
Patrick:
obviously sound on
Samer:
somehow i recognize that audio from the guy who farted into the walmart phone, but it's still good
Patrick: oh damn really?
Samer: yeah, the brassiness of it is distinct
Patrick: this man knows his toots
David Roth: Tuba Energy
Samer:
still the dog clearly woke itself up with a toot
Barry Petchesky: this mf recognized a fart online
Chris Thompson: samer what the fuck
Samer: i've seen this video like 20 times
giri: that might be a blog man
public penance
Patrick: samer i am in all sincerity awestruck
Tom Ley: lol
Barry Petchesky: “i know a wal-mart fart when i hear it, goddamnit”
costco, whatever
Tom Ley: I Recognized A Fart Online
giri:
Tom Ley: This Online Fart Is Known To Me
giri: like proust with the madeleine
Samer: it was like six months ago though, it's not that impressive
Barry Petchesky: i’m simultaneously in awe and horrified here
Kelsey McKinney: samer what the fuck
David Roth: Like a sommelier
Detecting notes
Kelsey McKinney: this is an artistry i didn't know existed and also fear
Patrick: samer is sniffing the tape here
Kelsey McKinney: this is tbh investigative journalism
Chris Thompson: samer, to repeat my earlier statement.....what the fuck, man
Barry Petchesky: this is savant behavior
Patrick: samer has an amazing brain for stuff like this
David Roth: Honestly I would trade all the dumb Trump admin shit I have stuck in my brain for Samer's knowledge of web farts and elderly dogs.
Kelsey McKinney: i can't even remember like my own damn life
Chris Thompson: just absolute godlike online brainage
Barry Petchesky: samer explain to me your values and abilities now
Chris Thompson: as flies to wanton boys are duplicated online farts to samer
Tom Ley: I Know This Fart And From Whence It Came
giri: this might also just be a slack transcript blog
we've been good about not doing those
but i think it really is one
Samer: this is not as impressive as you think it is, i promise
Chris Thompson: i am absolutely thunderstruck by what has happened here today
Samer: this video came out like half a year ago and everyone watched it!
Kelsey McKinney: samer.....
Barry Petchesky: and i guarantee that no one could have recognized the fart by sound…
Kelsey McKinney: i'm sorry but what the fuck. you're out here trying to tell me that you recognized a meme fart from half a year ago by sound in a completely unrelated video and that this is "not impressive"
ABSURD
giri: the denial too must be part of the blog
Chris Thompson: lol
Barry Petchesky: look me in the eye and tell me that you think the amazing thing here is that EVERYONE ELSE wouldn’t recognize it, not that you did
Tom Ley: lol
giri: It's Unimpressive That I Recognized An Online Fart As I Would The Voice Of My Grandmother
Barry Petchesky: lol
Kelsey McKinney: lol
Chris Thompson: lmao
Samer: i think if you polled twitter and asked "do you recognize this sound from another video," in the least leading way possible, you'd get someone coming to the same conclusion as me
Kelsey McKinney: NO YOU ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT
David Roth: "I feel like anyone would've recognized this amplified fart noise."
Kelsey McKinney: this is demented
David Roth: This isn't the same thing as like the duck toys.
Kelsey McKinney: you have a special skill
David Roth: Because it involves a fart.
Kelsey McKinney: and you should be proud
Barry Petchesky: samer, post the dog fart video, without context, and i guarantee that literally no one will say “hey that’s the fart from Costco”
Chris Thompson: someone should put the duck toys noise over the dog video
see if anyone recognizes it
Kelsey McKinney: "i think if you polled twitter and asked 'do you recognize this sound from another video,' in the least leading way possible, you'd get someone coming to the same conclusion as me"
i'm reeling over this
WHAT
Chris Thompson: kelsey, same
i think i'm dying
my system is shutting down
Kelsey McKinney: i fully believe you are the only person who would recognize this fart sound from another video without any context at all
maybe one, two other people have this rare a mind
but none of us did and we are ALL SICKOS
Jasper Wang: i am crying laughing at all of this. i have a meeting in 7 minutes and hope i will be done crying by then
i'm crying more imagining chris unable to speak, like when the most egregious mashups play during trivia
Patrick: set the channel topic: It's Unimpressive That I Recognized An Online Fart As I Would The Voice Of My Grandmother
Kelsey McKinney: i am also crying because i am laughing so hard
Chris Thompson: i'm not even allowed to laugh in this damn house, i have an sleeping babby
David Roth: Jasper going into a meeting with red eyes because his coworkers are master fart sommeliers
Samer:
i told you!
Kelsey McKinney: no I TOLD YOU
I said one or two other people
you have found one
find two more and u can be right
Samer: hm
[Diana enters the chat after being away from her computer]
Diana Moskovitz: whoa, I missed a lot.
Barry Petchesky: diana, we learned that samer has a gift
Samer: what's funny is that this tweet is actually wrong because it uses another fake video of a guy using the costco audio
Kelsey McKinney: oh....my..... god
giri: i'm crying
Kelsey McKinney: samer!!!!
Barry Petchesky: samer!
Chris Thompson: samer goddammit
Kelsey McKinney: you are back to 0 sickos
Andrew Flax: i just yelled out loud
Barry Petchesky: so you’re saying that your brain is even more poisoned and powerful that the online sicko you found to defend you
Kelsey McKinney: i can't stop crying
Chris Thompson: waiting to learn that samer knows which damn costco is the real fart coscto
Patrick: who is patient zero of the brassy flap
Samer: one second i'm going to get a second opinion
Barry Petchesky: what the fuck
Kelsey McKinney: FROM WHO
Andrew Flax: from a dang mental health professional
giri: it's too late man
feinberg can't save you now
Kelsey McKinney: YOU THINK THE 20 OF US ARENT SECOND OPINIONS?
you have 19 nos and 1 yes and are like "hmmmm. this can't be right"
David Roth: He's definitely asking Ashley though.
[Ed. note: Samer was, in fact, asking Ashley Feinberg.]
Barry Petchesky: ok he’s asking in another chat i’m in but he’s priming the pump by framing it as “do you recognize this sound from another video”
which to me is cheating
Kelsey McKinney: good recon barry
David Roth: "Back me up on this, all the fucking weirdos at work are getting on me over it: you also instantly recognize the provenance of mildly viral online flatulence, right?"
Kelsey McKinney: honestly, even if you gave me that i would be like..... no?
i do not have a log of online fart sounds in my head paired with their accompanying videos!
giri: samer you can't say anything beyond "Any thoughts on this video?"
don't taint the sample
Barry Petchesky: yeah this is nawt scientific
[Ed. note: Even with the prompt no one in the other chat, not even Ashley Feinberg, recognized the fart sound.]
Kelsey McKinney: i just scrolled up and realized that the only thing patty said was "sound on"
there was no other context at all and samer is like "hm fake fart, stolen directly from this youtube video of this specific costco fart"
incredible
Samer: yeah! so i was listening to the sound and was like "this sounds familiar," and then it came to me
Barry Petchesky: right, that’s your incredible brain in action
Patrick: this is like how someone will ask lebron about like the suns and then he'll recount the final 25 plays of a game they played two weeks ago
Chris Thompson: Absolutely Do Not Try To Use This One Fart Noise Anywhere On The Internet Or I Will Find You
Jasper Wang: ok i have not finished crying but i am going to close slack so i can try to be professional in this meeting
giri: yeah samer is the lebron of other people ripping ass
[Maitreyi enters the chat after being away from her computer]
Maitreyi Anantharaman: hmm, should i scroll up
[Fin.]
