You can tell a lot about people simply from watching how they experience schadenfreude. Actually, to be honest, there's only one thing you can tell about people based on their capacity for reveling in others' misery, and that's how much of a bastard they are. But it’s very good for that.
With that in mind, our tale. Our niece traveled from Oregon with her son so that they could take in Thursday's Rams-49ers game in Santa Clara, a sort of family treat gone amusingly wrong. That should explain the schadenfreude thing. Sure, being at that soggy and miserable slog was awful for them, but at least we stayed dry and warm and drank for free. You have to take your victories as they present themselves.
It's not that there's anything to dislike about the niece or her youth. They are perfectly adequate relatives, all things considered. But it's a hard world out there, and empathy comes at a price. In other words, if she and her son stayed for the entire game and all of its miseries both meteorological and competitive, well, you know what they say. Life stinks and then you get the flu that turns into pneumonia because you needed to watch the entirety of a game that featured no touchdowns or threat of same, no electrifying plays, no dramatic moments, and just enough persistent rain to make everyone around you hate themselves and Santa Claus, too. Pity cannot be expensed and will not be reimbursed. Truth is, they should have left at halftime. That's what it's for. Anyway, the Rams won going away, 12-6.
This is not a very charitable attitude, we grant, but that's how stultifyingly awful the game was. It was arguably the worst of the season on multiple fronts, a big wet mess even by the standards of Thursday Night Football. Yes it rained, steadily, but not hard enough to make the field into enough of a quagmire to become a grand comedic backdrop as it did when the Steelers and Browns played in the snow three weeks ago. It just was an all-night bummer for everyone involved.
At no point did either team look comfortable enough in their own dampened skins to score a touchdown. They never really came close, and spent almost no time in their opponents' red zones—they were there for just 13 of 118 plays. The Rams had all of those, and netted a total of 28 yards. That was enough for the three fourth-quarter field goals by Joshua Karty that provided the victory, but all that did was spur Amazon's NFL conductors Al Michaels and Kirk Herbstreit to say, no fewer than six times during the broadcast, "The 49ers have to win tonight or they're on life support." Jesus, lads, keep it light.
But they weren't wrong. San Francisco's entire season has been a rolling feast of gruel and roofing nails as the 49ers piled up inconsistent performances and consistent injuries. This was their sixth game this year scoring fewer than 20 points, and their first scoring fewer than 10 since 2019. At least that one was a win; this one never even hinted at that outcome.
They also have lost four games this year in which they had a lead of three or more points in the fourth quarter, the first team to manage that since the 2000 New England Belichicks. They are now in excellent shape to become the rare team that loses a Super Bowl one year and then can't win even half its games the next. The last team to do that was the COVID-year 49ers, which someone will decide is proof that Kyle Shanahan is a terrible football coach and not only responsible for the pathetic offensive output but also the weather itself. At least Mike Tomlin made it snow.
At least there, though, Shanahan had the good sense to wear a jacket while he fumed. Rams coach Sean McVay wore only a hoodie and so looked like the game itself—gray, wet, and increasingly sad. But at least McVay can pretend this was a glorious triumph even if he is almost as miserable inside as Shanahan, who was also told during the game by veteran linebacker De'Vondre Campbell that he didn't want to play. Campbell left the sideline in the third quarter without playing a down. He is being chastised today by even his teammates as that most craven of athletes, a quitter, but clearly he was on to something; we can think of 70,000 other people who were thinking about doing the same thing, including the niece and nephew. Maybe next time they'll save the airfare and just go to a sports bar. The game may not be any better, but at least they won't be wringing out their socks in a hotel room bathtub afterward.
