With apologies to Comrade Magary for infringing upon his franchise, we are riding the dead donkey that is the Chicago White Sox until they stop their current record-breaking and record-threatening losing streak.
Loss Number: Zero, the miserable hyenas. For the first time since July 10, these contemptible jokers are on a one-game winning streak. Or, more pointedly, a one-game non-losing streak.
Next Milestone: They can squeeze in one more run of shame before the season ends, maybe two, but we're not optimistic. Our fun has ended, and we hate them for it.
Last Night: The White Sox won as they lost the night before, 5-1. They doubled their Tuesday night offensive output in the fourth on a two-run homer by Andrew Benintendi, whose slugging percentage is now comfortably into the .340s, and never looked back. This was not only a refreshing change but also the reason they didn't pull their trapezius muscles looking behind them for the team preparing to pass them on the outside. It was the first time the White Sox had taken a lead this early and held it without incident since July 5. The "without incident" part matters because that's the 2024 White Sox Experience in a nutshell.
Their Best Player: Luis Robert Jr., singled—it was his second hit this month—and came home on Benintendi's homer, but he also grounded into a fielder's choice and stole second, popped out, and flied out in his other three at-bats. His OPS dropped from .702 to .698. He's still having a terrible year, but his average is .004 better than fellow 2023 MVP vote-getter Adolis Garcia. So it's not just him, but it's definitely also him.
The Highlight, Such As It Is: Depends on how you define the term, but walking off like they were real boys instead of the we-must-suck-for-the-good-of-the-franchise puppets they have become. It’s tough to call it a highlight, but they converted all the necessary chances down the stretch more or less as a Major League Baseball team would, and as a reward got back into the win column for the first time since three days before someone took a shot at Donald Trump, or for that matter since the Moon fully orbited the Earth. Good for them, I guess. The personal highlight was drinking with Comrade Redford while watching the whole wretched exercise and engaging in an extended discussion about the Baltic countries. No, I do not know how we got there, although the first reference I heard was to those notorious vowel-chewing maniacs in Finland. But if my choices for a random conversation are either Gavin Sheets or Estonia, since me up for news from Tallinn every time, and when I say "every time," I mean "never." Let me urge the Estonian State Department not to flood me with travel brochures the way Comrade Roth's online experience has been consumed by ads for garish hats since his brain doily magnum opus.
What They're Saying Back In Chicago: "Anyone get hurt at Bears camp yesterday?"
What White Sox Fans Are Saying: "Only 46 more of these and then I can pretend it'll all be good next year." The self-delusional liars.
