You snooze, you lose! A mere two weeks ago, Defector's Deals Team (led by Barry Petchesky) offered up a fantastic bargain on a set of 18,000 Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads. It was the offer of a lifetime. A steal, if you will. But since you didn't take advantage, don't come to us begging for 18,000 Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads today. They're off the market. You'll have to get your 18,000 Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads somewhere else. I promise you won't be able to find them for as cheap as you could have had them here. But that's your problem, not mine.
What happened to our inventory? Did someone else buy the bobbleheads? Well ... in a manner of speaking. Why are you suddenly now so interested in 18,000 Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads? Where were you a week ago? Not that we were rushing to get rid of them.
Have I been to the West Coast lately? What kind of question is—oh, I know what you're getting at. You saw the news. The Pittsburgh Penguins had their own, completely separate shipment of 18,000 Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads "stolen" a couple of weeks ago, but they're now back in the team's possession. "A special cargo recovery team negotiated the return of the stolen property," the Penguins claimed, "to a secure warehouse located in Ontario, California," a place I have definitely never been.
Well, great for them! We certainly have no problem with the Pittsburgh Penguins recovering their own 18,000 Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads, which have nothing to do with our 18,000 Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads. In fact, we applaud the brave cargo recovery team who put in so much effort to bring these giveaways back to the Penguins fans who deserve them. They are true American heroes, as is the Deals Team at Defector, which was until so recently willing to offer up some very similar (but different) bobbleheads at a price that was practically criminal.
What's that? Where's Barry? Yes, I know he wrote the original post with the offer. What, you think a woman can't handle the above-board bobblehead economy as skillfully as a man? Jeez, guys. If you simply must know, Barry didn't come into work today. But that's fine! There's nothing to worry about. It's his birthday! Are you really going to accuse a guy of masterminding the theft of 18,000 Jaromir Jagr bobbleheads on his birthday? Let's all be rational here.
By the way, we got a tip about some 15,000 or so Mr. Met London Telephone Booth Bobbleheads that suddenly appeared in our buddy Dermott's garage. They'd make a great gift for Easter. Meet me behind the Defector office at midnight if you're interested.
